Avenue S

Ladies and Gentlemen, and so forth.

I have an important message I wish to make through the medium of my own blog.

Having given the matter careful consideration, taking into account recent events, and having attended an event in Trafalgar Square I have to make the following announcement.

Deep breath.

Here we go.

Whether onstage or onscreen, the musical theatre can be enjoyed by heterosexual men.

There. Out in the open at last. Phew.

Actually it can be enjoyed by everyone, regardless of anything and everything. But I get the feeling that straight men have shied away from musical due to how its supporters are portrayed stereo-typically by the media.

So (with tongue firmly in cheek) here are seven reasons why you, Mister, should consider going to the box office at the earliest opportunity.

Oklahoma.

Who’s this about to raise a roar to wake sleepy mid-west?

Yes, it’s X-Man(TM) Wolverine(TM) himself, Hugh Jackman! I suspect they file the claws down to prevent carnage in the dance routines.

Mamma Mia.

It isn’t common knowledge but Mamma Mia was a Bond film. Yup. It’s true. Bond (Pierce Brosnan) and M (Meryl Streep) go undercover in Greece, where Blofeldt (not the one off the cricket) is planning to take over the world with a fleet of micro-submarines. Bond foils the fiendish plan by disrupting the sonar systems of the ships with a series of complicated signals cunningly disguised as off-key singing. They did cut most of the spy plot out of the final print, but all will become clear with the directors cut, I’m sure.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

It’s a racing car. It’s a flying racing car. When did you ever see that on Top Gear? Answer = Never! Eat candy Clarkson!

Evita.

Why who’s that in the shadows, singing all the wrong words to “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina“? Yes, it’s Senor Che Guevara… you know, that bloke off all the t-shirts and posters. Cool, eh?

The King & I.

Convincing isn’t he? Yes the King is of course played by Yul Brynner. As we found out in Westworld, he’s a cyborg. All those kids? Clones. Getting ready to take over the planet, etcetera etcetera etcetera…

Wicked.

No flying racing car. Flying monkeys. Yes sir.

Miss Saigon.

Go-Go dancers. Helicopter. Nam. Nuff said.

And finally for now…

Paint Your Wagon.

OK, that episode of The Simpsons probably gave the plot away. But it does star Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood. Look, if Clint wants to talk to the trees, just let him. It’s probably for the best, punk.

So, there you have it. Go watch a musical, unfettered and undeterred Although, if your mates she you emerging from Priscilla Queen of the Desert, tell ’em you went to see the old bus.