Yummy in the Bank – a series of food fights

So I was at a loose end.

After several wonderful weeks online promoting The Muse’s projects – firstly the musical The Island of Lost Children and her new album Let Life In, well there was nothing left to say, at least for now.

So I texted Jen.

“I’m bored. Do something wonderful so I can everyone how fabulous you are.”

She texted back:

“I ate leftover fajita for breakfast”.

“Hot or cold?”

“Hot! What kind of savage do you think I am…But there’s an idea for the blog. Which leftover junk food makes the best lazy breakfast?”

Well, that’s something for you all to ponder on – I’d love to hear all your suggestions.

But Jen had already moved on, and rattled off a number of braces of foodstuffs for me to pontificate on which was better of the two.

And so this site proudly presents (drum roll & butter please)


A series of food fights. Who brings what to the table?  Who’ll walk away with the much prized lunchbox? Not suitable for vegetarians or vegans. Sorry.

And here is our opening match up.

They’re both British buffet favorites. They’ve both had their salad days. They both had a rough time in the past but they’ve lived to tell the tale.

But who will prevail when PORK PIE takes on SCOTCH EGG?

A good pork pie is a thing of real beauty. Chunks of meat placed in a water pastry case which is handmade around the filling like a vase on a potter’s wheel. A pastry lid is crimped on the top & an incision made through which a brine is poured in and allowed to set overnight as a jelly.Oh, the joy in slicing it open again. That’s a good pork pie. Sadly I can recall the mass-produced pies of the 70s, and you can still find them. Hard crust. Meat dyed bright pink. Ugh. We shouldn’t be surprised when we recall that Ernie, the fastest milkman in the West suffered a mortal blow at the hands of Two Ton Ted, a pork pir being his weapon of choice.

But the pork pie of today is far more upper crust. And you can see why the good people of Melton Mowbray in Leicestershire – its traditional home – have fought long and hard to protect the pie that made them famous.

Pork pie – named after the hat.

The Scotch Egg is the ship in the bottle of foodstuffs. A hard-boiled egg, cushioned by sausage meat and rolled in breadcrumbs before cooking. Despite the name it doesn’t have its roots in Scotland. Nor is whisky involved in the mixture for that would be disgusting. London’s famous grocer Fortnum & Mason lay claim to inventing the scotch egg, but there are those who claim they adapted their recipe from a sort of falafel. Although there are many variations on a theme, I’d go for one made from a hens egg. Like the pork pie, the scotch egg has suffered at the hands of mass production. Bland battery egg. Wafer thin sausage meat and worst of all breadcrumbs which someone thought best presented dyed dayglo orange. Not nice. Best instead to think of something like Sainsburys Taste the Difference where seeds & grains are mixed into the brown breadcrumbs. In my opinion that makes it a healthy option…

Scotch egg. Not Scottish.

So, it’s decision time. The winner of our opening bout is… hold up… what’s this being brought to the ring? Oh no, it’s that strange hybrid that is the gala pie! Looking to all intents and purposes like a regular pork pie but when sliced open we find its pork filing encases – egg! And a really long egg at that.

No, I’m not having it.

Here is your winner – for being a bit exotic and not killing off Benny Hill characters – our winner is Scotch! Egg!


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About simonwebsterwise

Pretend Canadian. Doter on women. Professional sports spectator. Askew view on the world.

One response to “Yummy in the Bank – a series of food fights”

  1. Barry says :

    This blog made me laugh – pork pie ‘named after the hat’ ha!!

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