Picnic of the Pops

I think The Muse has been somewhat disappointed by my lack of activity re. Blogs recently. So much so that she took one of her genius ideas to our good friend Dave Mann of Radio Castle’s Rhythm & Roots show. He came up with a whole hour of music based on the subject of “Food and Drink”.

Now, to be honest I’ve yet to ketchup with the show, but if I was asked to come up with ten suitable tunes, pop-pickers, on my menu these would be they:

10) Frozen Orange Juice by Peter Sarstedt: Talking of Asian British musical artistes, here’s Peter’s joyous follow up to his divine #1 “Where do you go to my lovely”. It’s just so full of summer and reminds me of the days when – apart from being offer to new mums in tiny bottles – orange juice was only readily available canned & frozen as a concentrate from BirdsEye.

09) Orange Crush by REM: Ah! Micheal & the boys when they were angry young men. Wouldn’t have worked under the English title Orange Squash.

08) Pickin’ a Chicken by Eve Boswell: Hungarian born variety star of the 50s sings about the romance of taking the meat off a bird carcass with her best beloved. Happy post rationing thoughts based on the time in South Africa.

07) Mother & Child Reunion by Paul Simon: Another artist who would go on to pick up from South African influences. Melancholy enough as it is, made sadder by Simon being inspired by a chicken and egg dish in a Chinese restaurant.

06) Hong Kong Garden by Siouxsie & The Banshees: Every town has a takeaway thus named, doesn’t it? Authentic food, a friendly welcome and only five minutes from this cinéma. The Queen of the Goths would go on to have a huge hit with her cover of “Dear Prudence” from The Beatles album “The Beatles”.

05) Savoy Truffle by The Beatles. From that self-same-overstuffed White Album comes this comedic number, loosely based on the index card from a box of Mackintosh’s Good News selection. George Harrison seeks to expose the chocolate obsession of a young session guitarist. Suitably chastened Eric Clapton would be cured of that addiction. Ahem.

04) No Woman No Cry by Bob Marley & The Wailers. Perhaps the most famous version of this was recorded at London’s Lycieum theatre. The crowd gives a good pop at the mention of “Wholemeal Porridge”, possibly the only cultural reference a white, middle class audience would get. Gerald, remind me to pop into Waitrose in the morning… Anyway, the ghost of Bob Marley pays a visit to Sweeney & Todd in Reading, and drifts up to Joan and asks “Madam, could you provide me with a vegetable pattie for my journey?” “Sorry Mr Marley, the kitchen’s closed now”. So he turns to John the barman requesting “Sir, please could you give my a tot of Captain Morgan for my journey?” “Bob, I’m so sorry but the time bell just rang…” And so the ghost of Bob Marley sadly dissolves singing “No rum and no pie, No rum and no pie”…

03) Shake Rattle and Roll by Bill Haley and His Comets: Get out in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans, the stocky be-quiffed plaid coated rocker tells his woman. Hopefully followed shortly after by the sound of plates and platters being thrown at the demandee.

02) Bangers and Mash by Peter Sellers & Sophia Loren: Mouthy Cockney chancer marries curvaceous Italian beauty. Complains about her cooking.  Il maiale…

01) Bud the Spud by Stompin’ Tom Connors: In Canada, man cannot live by bread alone. The potatoes must get through, eh? Bud’s the trucker who brings ’em over from PEI, Tom stomps him on his way…

And there’s our top ten.

Yet I feel we’ve hardly got the wrapper off this rhubarb.

Would you like to come back for a second helping?

Service charge not included.


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About simonwebsterwise

Pretend Canadian. Doter on women. Professional sports spectator. Askew view on the world.

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