Round Robin

(The names have been changed to protect the innocent…)

Well, this really has been some year for the _______ family, and no doubt you’ve been itching all year to hear of our latest adventures.

Of course this was the year we said goodbye to Grandpa. No, he hasn’t passed. No, he’s decided to spend our inheritance following The Rolling Stones around the world. From city to city he goes, not to the concerts, you understand. No, he hangs around their hotel lobbies, hoping they’ll spot him and finally see the errors of their ways. Well, that’s Grandpa for you.

We’re guessing that it’s Grandma’s cross-dressing that finally sent him packing. She’s taken to dressing like once popular ventriloquist’s dummy, Lord Charles. She’s quite immaculate & accurate with her greased back hair, painted rosy cheeks and monocle. Her being constantly on the gin only adds to the effect. Well, that’s Grandma for you.

We are now educating our Jamie at home. Not by choice, to be honest, but by order of the local education authority. I’m afraid an incident relating to the deputy head and the 2nd XV rugby posts put the cap on  things at Boswell Academy. Well, that’s our Jamie for you.

Our Rosamund has taken it on herself to research our family tree, although I did her muttering something to a friend on her mobile about “hoping she’d been adopted” I’m sure she was only joking. Well. that’s our Rosamund for you.

Having said that the whole family has really thrown itself into our hang gliding this year and are all making progress. For sure, perhaps the sport is a long way from it’s 80s peak. But have both Tom & Rosamund in their respective All England Top 10 rankings is something to write home about. Albeit to your home dear friend. Well, that’s hang-gliding for you.

This year. the four of us (save Grandpa who was in Mustique with the Stones and Grandma who was on standby for the Britain’s Got Talent qualifiers) took the camper down to Alicante. And the good news here is we have a new edition to our little family. Introducing Pedro, our new family pet! It was Rosamund’s headstrongness – alongside Jamie’s knowhow – which liberated Pedro from the stockade outside the bullring. Somehow they got him into the top bunk without Tom or I noticing. The months have just flown by. Of course, we are now unable to access our house, Pedro now being the size that he is. But we are more than contented living in what’s left of the camper van, Pedro having got loose and stampeded on the road back from Alicante. In fact being mobile may be a boon to us, being able to set down in another postcode area where we can find Jamie a better school, or at least somewhere where they’ve not heard of him. Well, that’s animal smuggling for you.

Well, that’s our year in a nutshell for you. I hope our exploits haven’t made you too jealous when comparing our lives to your own… and that you’re eager to hear more? You seem not to be responding to my Facebook friend request. Please do, so I can regale you with my tales every day.

Your old friend


PS Tom and I are making a go of it. Well, that’s me & Tom for you.


About simonwebsterwise

Pretend Canadian. Doter on women. Professional sports spectator. Askew view on the world.

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